A Queen Set Apart

peas-580333_640Not Your Average Princess Pea

Are you a Queen set apart? What I mean by that is, are you “different”? Do you go against the grain or feel like the “black sheep” regarding the vision and plan for your life? If you answered yes, then this post is especially for you.

The Definition Of a Pioneer (and no, I’m not trying to give you a vocabulary lesson.)

According to Google‘s Dictionary, a Pioneer is defined as:

  1. a person who is among the first to explore or settle a new country or area.
  2. develop or be the first to use or apply (a new method, area of knowledge, or activity).

And when I looked up the etymology of it at www.etmyonline.com, it showed me this: “…1520s, “foot soldier who prepares the way for the army,” from Middle French pionnier“foot-soldier, pioneer,” from Old French paonier “foot-soldier” (11c.), from peon (see pawn (n.2)). Figurative sense of “person who goes first or does something first” is from c. 1600. “

So, what does being a pioneer have to do with being a Queen set apart? Well, if you are anything like me, have decided to follow the relentless nagging of your inner truth and have begun the process of pursuing your passions and purpose, then you, my dear Queen-sister, are a pioneer in your own right.

Initially It All Feels Like a Royal Pain

Let’s look at those definitions again and really breakdown how it applies to the you as a pioneer. First and foremost, you are in new territory, an unfamiliar station of life and have no choice but to learn as you go and grow. Secondly, while you may not be the first in your industry, field or area of specialty, there is a good chance that you are the first person in your family, circle of friends or community to have chosen to live and lead your life “this certain way”.

people-2124537_640Pioneering Can Be Lonely

The upside to all of this is that you are finally being true to yourself and may find yourself  feeling more fulfilled in your endeavors. The downside is that those closest to you and whose support and advice you seek the most do not understand the hungering of your heart and will, with all good intentions, attempt to discourage you. They may seem dismissive or simply “tolerating’ your change in focus and behavior. When you are feeling frustrated, unmotivated or need someone to act as your idea spring board and accountability partner, it may not be realistic of you to expect that they will allow you to rely on them the way you have in the past. At the realization of this, you must be willing to expand your circle. This is ultimately the only way in which you will continue moving forward and thriving.

The Path of Least Resistance

I know it hurts or may even make you angry, but rather than argue or try to convince dear ones why and how they should support you, it is far easier and much more beneficial to you on an energetic level to stop fighting the natural course of things. The time will come when you must get up, get out and go meet some new people. Now, I am no way suggesting you abandon or turn your back on those you care about, but it is imperative to your personal and professional growth that you accept that fact they may not be capable of providing you with what you need along this journey.

Queen Mission

Being Set Apart Does Not Equate to Isolation

The really good news is now there are so many ways to connect with people locally and around the world that there really is no good reason not to. The website www.meetup.com is one of my personal favorites because for a nominal monthly fee you can set-up your own “meet-up” group based on your interests, goals or industry as well as search already established groups and events.

Queen Armour Bearers

The  Queen Armour Bearers (Q.A.B.) group is my small but developing contribution to the cause. In the past we have gathered just for the sake of supporting and educating one another as well as more focused activities like creating vision boards and hosting to promote a fellow Queen’s business. Keep an eye on the Upcoming Events widget in the left sidebar and use the Eventbrite button to register for upcoming QAB events.  Additionally, if you would like to be added to the Queen Biz Directory, please send your head shot or other professional photo with a short bio to, QueensUnitedinExcellence@gmail.com
















Putting Up The Good Fight


Have you ever wondered, when we make statements like, “I’m for fighting for my personal or financial freedom, freedom of self-expression or the right to be…”, what it is we are REALLY saying? From my personal experiences, I have found that all too often the words coming out of our mouths are either a reflection or a projection of deep inner beliefs and, as with all reflections and projections, may present themselves upside down and backwards.


Even though what we are saying, writing in our journals or professing to others seems forward-moving, these things may actually be rooted in a stagnating or self-limiting belief, the belief that we are lacking something, are not free to express and be ourselves or do not have “rights” when in actuality we do have all of these freedoms and always have. We all have the Divine right to be, live and express ourselves freely. However, too often, we simply do not recognize it. If this is true, the genuine issues then become, why do we feel like me must fight?  Who or what are we fighting?? Where does our sense of oppression come from and how do we properly address it???


To exist as though we are somehow restricted and that there is an enemy, or several of them, lurking about and who we must confront is in an integral part of the master illusion that we call human existence and the world that feeds the insatiable, deceptive and sensory driven appetite of the “false-self”.

What if I told you that there is no “real” oppression or enemy to fight? That our experiences are simply a cacophony of individual reflections reacting to the sensory experiences and perceptions of their respective hosts trying to validate their existence while figuring out how best to survive in a world that exacerbates their underlying condition.


Have you ever just sat, watch and contemplated nature? Though it and every element of it comes up against constant attack both from itself and human innovations. Though it is repeatedly damaged and destroyed, nature does not fight. It innately works to restore its natural balance when and where necessary. Nature, and everything in it, when allowed to just be, does what it is designed and purposed to do.

In the natural world, without force, prodding or announcement, what is both natural and necessary occurs all the time. Grass just grows, eventually dies and in this process provides refuge and nourishment for a multitude of tiny creatures. Trees establish deep roots, grow tall, and branch out all the while serving as natural air filters, refuge and nourishment for its own complimentary companions. Squirrels plant more trees as they forage and store-up food for the winter. Flowers blossom, eventually wither and die, but not before providing nectar for the bees. Bees pollinate plants and flowers in the process of building their communities. I say all of that to say this…”JUST BE”

Here is my offering of unsolicited advice for the next time you find yourself in the grips of or preparing for a “fight”:

  1. Remember that your perceptions of other people as well as the external world is a reflection of YOUR inner world.
  2. Ask yourself; What deep inner belief could this…(person, situation etc…) be reflecting back at me?
  3. Be compassionate with yourself and do not pass judgement on what may flow up to your consciousness. Use your ABC’sAcknowledge. Be grateful. Continue on


Bag Lady

cjwalkerWhat I would like for you to do in this moment is read just this first paragraph. Close your eyes and think of the one thing you would be doing with your life right now if money and time was not an issue and you knew you only had one year to live. Sit with that vision of your life for a moment and ask yourself why you aren’t doing it. Then, sit with that question or answer(s) for a moment as well and whenever you’re ready you, open your eyes.

Before I can talk about self-limiting beliefs (that will be the next post) I need to stress the importance of becoming conscious of carrying other people’s issues and energetic baggage.

When I was in elementary school I was bullied and I remember being told that bullies are usually being bullied by someone else. Imagine with me that self-limiting beliefs are your “bully”. If this were the case, the buried or hidden issues of someone or a group of people in your life may be your bully’s bully. In other words, it is very likely that your self-limiting beliefs may have been projected onto you, through words, behavior or both, by someone who never dealt with their own self-limiting beliefs, trauma or core hurts.

I  associate it with one of my favorite take-aways from my life coaching sessions with  Tesheena Lowry, CEO of Executive Life Coaching LLC,  called the “life lie” and that of being called by the wrong name. You know your name; but what would happen if you were constantly called by another  name. We all would like to think that we simply wouldn’t answer, but over time, we get tired of fighting and begin to answer to that wrong name and in doing so find ourselves hiding, unhappy and unfulfilled. That “wrong name” is your self-limiting belief. However, the good news is, it does not belong to you, never truly did and now you can let it go.


My self-limiting belief was that I am not enough…not good enough…not smart enough…not talented enough…not committed enough, simply not enough to do or be the person who I had always dreamt of being.  The most astonishing part was realizing that I had been carrying, relying on, confiding in and living that lie for the bulk of my life, I want to say since I was about 14 yrs old. My breakthrough came after I first was asked the same question I asked you in that first paragraph about why I wasn’t doing what it is I dreamed of which was followed by someone who did not know me well at all telling me that there is a calling on my life. At the mercy of these two conversations, which took places just days apart, I found myself crying hysterically in my bathroom because someone had finally  seen me and called me by “my name”.

So, today I challenge you to use the same technique, grab your journal or a pen and paper and write down everything that comes to mind. Once you become aware of your self-limiting beliefs, it will be that much easier to identify the abandoned and misplaced baggage you’ve been carrying. 


Coming Out of Hiding

truthhostageI challenge you right now, today, to come out of hiding. Do you dare to sit down and have that honest conversation with yourself about how you really feel about your life? 

In the words of legendary recording artist Phyllis Hyman, “Who do you think you are? Who do you want to be. You’re the only one that really knows...” Regardless of where you are in your life right now, this is crucial and let me tell you why, from my personal experience.

At 38, with two children, having moved back home with my parents and feeling like a failure, not just as a person, but as a mother and a daughter, I realized that I had to do SOMETHING to alter the direction of my life and the quality of my self-esteem. It took quite a bit of introspection, the unearthing deeply hidden self-limiting beliefs and a good deal of grudge work, but now I can finally admit aloud that I had spent the bulk of my life in hiding.

I’ve hidden behind other people’s expectations of me, things that I’ve considered personal failures, relationship roles, job titles, my feelings, excuses. If you can name it, at some point or another I’ve probably unsuccessfully tried hiding behind it. Hiding from what you ask? Well, would believe me if I said it had gotten to a point where I simply did not even know??

So, when I made the decision to unlock and unblock  my growth, it was because I had become completely sick and tired  choosing, yes I said CHOOSING, to simply exist knowing and feeling how unfulfilled I was rather than living and thriving in my purpose and passions.

 In order to do that stand walk and talk in my truth, I had to, first and foremost, identify the roles, behaviors and mindsets I had not only been hiding behind, but also habitually and unconsciously using to sabotage myself.

So, I ask you; Do you accept the challenge? Are you willing to acknowledge the lie(s) that are holding your dream life hostage??

I dare you to have that conversation and when you do and should you feel the need to talk about it feel free to connect with or contact me.